I heard we made out
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
