Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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