he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please don't give away my fajitas
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