I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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