my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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