I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
