i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
