Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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