My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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