So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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