He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
