i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
