my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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