I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
