heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
porn star boner night. come get it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
