I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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