TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
