tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
