I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
