Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
