So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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