Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
