you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize