He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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