I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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