I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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