This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
