I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
