She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
