Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
