Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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