You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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