Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
