I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
