We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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