never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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