yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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