I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
