I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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