Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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