It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
