Yo dont text me then not text me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
