I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
