I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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