I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
