I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
