he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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