It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
