just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
wow bdsm is so cute
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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