Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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