I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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