I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
