...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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