We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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