My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
