Where are you?
In a non slutty way
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
