How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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