i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
