I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
