Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
