I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
