I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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