I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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