And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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