if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
