Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
