Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
