I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
