I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
