Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
