Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
