A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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