I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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