Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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