The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
