Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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