i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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