Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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