I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
