I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
