I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
