When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
