im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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