Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
