im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
