The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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