hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
