Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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