I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
